Holding on

Time is a funny thing.  There are days that I am running all day long doing errands, making sure every last item on my "to-do list" is done, and being sure my children are getting all the attention they need and want.  Then there are days when there is absolutely nothing on my "to-do list" except little odds and ends items that I know can wait, so I get to spend more time playing with my kids and less time "being an adult."

In the beginning of this summer I thought of thousands of fun things the kids and I could do over their nice long break from school.  Like most other people I know, I went onto Pinterest and found some fun arts and crafts, new games to play, etc. and had all these magnificent ideas on how to incorporate all the new activities with the old ones.

Well here it is, the last few days of summer vacation and we didn't make it through half of our list.  I am really fine with not having a "check mark" next to items on the list, but what bothers me is how quickly the time went this summer.  I know it always does, but this year seemed to go especially quick.

I was sitting in Kindergarten orientation for my son, who happens to be my youngest and I thought about how just 4 years ago I was sitting in the same room listening to the same speech for my daughter, my oldest.  As I looked around the room at so many new faces it was easy to spot the new parents because most of their children were clinging on to them.  My son, although he is extremely attached to me seemed to be very calm at orientation which I was so happy and relieved about, but at the same time I realized I was clinging onto him.  

I am not ready to let go of both of my children and have them be so independent yet.  Some of the parents who were there couldn't have been any more excited about having their child(ren) return to school.  Some parents with children who were going into Kindergarten and were only children or the youngest child in their families had parents that were happy about it being time to send the children to school.  

I don't understand this concept.  In a way I suppose I can see it, if parents are paying for day care, or if they are wanting to return to work without needing to work less hours because of needing to stay home due to a younger child.  Most of the parents I know usually have some sort of financial aspect as to why they are happy that all their children are off to school in September.  

It is absolutely the opposite way for me.  I have been with my babies everyday since birth.  I stayed home in intervals so each one had the same amount of time with me.  I have been a stay at home mom full time since January 2013, and although it is by far the most difficult job I've ever had, it has also been the most rewarding.  

I get to be with my children every single day.  I know every single thing about them.  I have been so very fortunate to have been able to be home with them over the years.  Although my husband and I did take a financial loss when we went from  2 incomes to 1, it was never an issue when we thought of the benefits we were getting in return.  There is nothing better than being able to know where your children are and that they are safe, healthy and happy.  

We definitely had our bad days, I'm sure my neighbors have heard my children fighting and me yelling at them to knock it off, but kids are kids.  Even a tough day at home is better than a good day at work.  

In just over a week and a half I am losing my days full of snuggles, hugs, kisses, giggles and everything in between.  I know it's only a few hours at school and the day goes by quickly, but I'm still not ready to let any of my time with my children go.  I'll even miss the fighting. I need my children as much as they need me.  I feel so lost without them around me.

I know a lot of parents, mostly moms (that I've talked to) who are going through the same thing.  The separation anxiety is already setting in for us.  Of course, being a mom, we have to hide it so the children won't feel it.  We need to be strong for them.  When we tell them what a wonderful time they will have this year, they need to believe it so they can have the confidence to get on the bus or in the car and walk into that school on their first day and every day thereafter.

When that first day comes and all the children are on that bus and waving out the window, I'll be putting on my sunglasses so they won't see the tears and when it pulls away, I will be a hot mess, that's for sure.  Some parents high-five, some smile and laugh that the kids are back to school, I don't. I turn into a blubbering fool. I hate this time of year.

Whether you're a high-fiver or a balling, sniffling, mess like me on that first day, it's always good to take the time we have left of the summer and really engage with your children.  Disconnect from your phone, computer, tablet, T.V., anything and everything else.  Go outside, go play with your children. Give them this last little glimmer of summer, they'll hold onto it longer than you think.  I know mine do, and so do I.  

Best of luck to all the children and the parents this year.  I hope it is a safe and successful year for all! 

:)

Anti-Bullying

With the cooler weather beginning to settle in, the leaves changing, and the stores stocked from floor to ceiling with school supplies, the inevitable is upon us.....Summer is coming to an end.  With Summer ending and Fall beginning, the children, teachers and parents are preparing for back to school time.  Some love it, some hate it.  Personally I hate it, as do my children.  But before all the kids show up at the school bus with their shinny new digs, new backpacks, and anxious grins on their faces, I am going to ask parents for one request; talk to your children about bullying.

My daughter has been bullied for the last 2 years and I have done everything from marching my butt down to the school every single day to talk to the teachers, students, and principal, talking to the mom, taking my daughter to the schools' social worker, taking her to a therapist to talking with school board members, writing a formal complaint, and asking to have an entire assembly on bullying throughout the school system.  Sadly, the school system failed my daughter.  

Although the school has an anti-bullying policy, the rights of the bully were better protected because he has "mental issues."  I of course, did everything I could to protect the rights of everyone involved, after all these are children, and sometimes they just can't comprehend their actions.  I did not in any way shape or form attack or want anyone to feel worse about the situation that what was already going on.  I know the bully probably didn't intend on hurting my daughter so much, but even though sticks and stones can break bones, name calling and bullying can and do hurt so much more sometimes.

Now we're heading into a new year and my daughter has an entirely new personality.  She has become so unsure of herself, has so little self-esteem, and will basically cling onto any "friend" that is nice to her, even if he/she is no friend at all.  We've tried every avenue we could possibly think of. We've gone through the school, therapists, friends, family, doctor recommendations, you name it, we've done it.  We praise her up and down for her good deeds and correct her when she needs it, but nothing too harsh.  We are trying to reinstate her self-esteem as best as we can.  However, the terrible bullying she has already encountered has beaten her down so much that I am so afraid she is going to stay like this forever, or at least until she finds her inner-strength, which she has to find on her own.  We told her it's there, but only she can truly feel it.

Why am I telling you this very personal information?  Simple.  When you are talking to your children about school this year, please remind them about bullying.  Think of your child being ridiculed and picked on relentlessly throughout the day.  Think of his/her little face and the hurt he/she would be feeling, the tears streaming down his/her face.  Think of the anger you would feel when you found out.  Now channel that into a positive conversation you can have about why your child should NEVER bully anyone else and if he/she sees someone being bullied he/she should tell a teacher or an adult he/she trusts.  It is so important to stop this horrible epidemic going on.

I pray that none of your children will ever be bullied, or become a bully, but if any of it every happens, please nip it in the bud right away.  The hurt, heartache and pain that your child will endure can last a lifetime.  

So many children who get bullied will not speak up if they are being bullied.  They are too ashamed, too afraid that they will provoke the bully even more or they will get in trouble for being a  "tattle-tale." So they endure the abuse, silently.  They will change over time.  You will notice they will have a whole new attitude, they will become angry, sad, they won't want to go to school, won't engage in activities at home or in school.  Essentially they will become a hollow shell of themselves, and that is so sad to watch a child go through.  You want your child to be strong, happy, playful, and above all to be a child...live his/her childhood, these other emotions will come in the adult years anyway...let them be kids.

We considered taking our daughter out of school when the bullying began, but what would that teach anyone?  It would teach the bully that he/she could control the population by being mean and picking on everyone.  It would also teach my children that running away would solve any problem.  I want my children to learn to stand up for themselves, face adversity and rise above it.  Hopefully this year they will be able to do so.

These days she has become very angry and impatient with a lot of things that ordinarily she wouldn't be.  I have the bully to thank for that.  However, if she gets mad enough, she'll stand up and argue, so it's a start I suppose.  However she is too young to deal with such nonsense.  

Please, please, please talk to your child about the affects bullying can have on someone and why it is so important NOT to become a bully and to SPEAK UP if he/she sees it or hears about it happening. I cannot thank you enough for helping me to end this and give a voice to the children who will not speak up for themselves. 

Check your schools or communities to see if there are any clubs that have any anti-bullying groups, and if not, start one.  Read your schools' policy on bullying and be sure to know if your child is having an issue, and if so, fight the policy until you get the action you want.  Please don't let any child have one more sleepless night.  No child should lay his/her head down on a tear-stained pillow because they are being bullied so horribly.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and talking with your children.  Thank you for making a difference.