Anti-Bullying

With the cooler weather beginning to settle in, the leaves changing, and the stores stocked from floor to ceiling with school supplies, the inevitable is upon us.....Summer is coming to an end.  With Summer ending and Fall beginning, the children, teachers and parents are preparing for back to school time.  Some love it, some hate it.  Personally I hate it, as do my children.  But before all the kids show up at the school bus with their shinny new digs, new backpacks, and anxious grins on their faces, I am going to ask parents for one request; talk to your children about bullying.

My daughter has been bullied for the last 2 years and I have done everything from marching my butt down to the school every single day to talk to the teachers, students, and principal, talking to the mom, taking my daughter to the schools' social worker, taking her to a therapist to talking with school board members, writing a formal complaint, and asking to have an entire assembly on bullying throughout the school system.  Sadly, the school system failed my daughter.  

Although the school has an anti-bullying policy, the rights of the bully were better protected because he has "mental issues."  I of course, did everything I could to protect the rights of everyone involved, after all these are children, and sometimes they just can't comprehend their actions.  I did not in any way shape or form attack or want anyone to feel worse about the situation that what was already going on.  I know the bully probably didn't intend on hurting my daughter so much, but even though sticks and stones can break bones, name calling and bullying can and do hurt so much more sometimes.

Now we're heading into a new year and my daughter has an entirely new personality.  She has become so unsure of herself, has so little self-esteem, and will basically cling onto any "friend" that is nice to her, even if he/she is no friend at all.  We've tried every avenue we could possibly think of. We've gone through the school, therapists, friends, family, doctor recommendations, you name it, we've done it.  We praise her up and down for her good deeds and correct her when she needs it, but nothing too harsh.  We are trying to reinstate her self-esteem as best as we can.  However, the terrible bullying she has already encountered has beaten her down so much that I am so afraid she is going to stay like this forever, or at least until she finds her inner-strength, which she has to find on her own.  We told her it's there, but only she can truly feel it.

Why am I telling you this very personal information?  Simple.  When you are talking to your children about school this year, please remind them about bullying.  Think of your child being ridiculed and picked on relentlessly throughout the day.  Think of his/her little face and the hurt he/she would be feeling, the tears streaming down his/her face.  Think of the anger you would feel when you found out.  Now channel that into a positive conversation you can have about why your child should NEVER bully anyone else and if he/she sees someone being bullied he/she should tell a teacher or an adult he/she trusts.  It is so important to stop this horrible epidemic going on.

I pray that none of your children will ever be bullied, or become a bully, but if any of it every happens, please nip it in the bud right away.  The hurt, heartache and pain that your child will endure can last a lifetime.  

So many children who get bullied will not speak up if they are being bullied.  They are too ashamed, too afraid that they will provoke the bully even more or they will get in trouble for being a  "tattle-tale." So they endure the abuse, silently.  They will change over time.  You will notice they will have a whole new attitude, they will become angry, sad, they won't want to go to school, won't engage in activities at home or in school.  Essentially they will become a hollow shell of themselves, and that is so sad to watch a child go through.  You want your child to be strong, happy, playful, and above all to be a child...live his/her childhood, these other emotions will come in the adult years anyway...let them be kids.

We considered taking our daughter out of school when the bullying began, but what would that teach anyone?  It would teach the bully that he/she could control the population by being mean and picking on everyone.  It would also teach my children that running away would solve any problem.  I want my children to learn to stand up for themselves, face adversity and rise above it.  Hopefully this year they will be able to do so.

These days she has become very angry and impatient with a lot of things that ordinarily she wouldn't be.  I have the bully to thank for that.  However, if she gets mad enough, she'll stand up and argue, so it's a start I suppose.  However she is too young to deal with such nonsense.  

Please, please, please talk to your child about the affects bullying can have on someone and why it is so important NOT to become a bully and to SPEAK UP if he/she sees it or hears about it happening. I cannot thank you enough for helping me to end this and give a voice to the children who will not speak up for themselves. 

Check your schools or communities to see if there are any clubs that have any anti-bullying groups, and if not, start one.  Read your schools' policy on bullying and be sure to know if your child is having an issue, and if so, fight the policy until you get the action you want.  Please don't let any child have one more sleepless night.  No child should lay his/her head down on a tear-stained pillow because they are being bullied so horribly.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and talking with your children.  Thank you for making a difference.