In the beginning of this summer I thought of thousands of fun things the kids and I could do over their nice long break from school. Like most other people I know, I went onto Pinterest and found some fun arts and crafts, new games to play, etc. and had all these magnificent ideas on how to incorporate all the new activities with the old ones.
Well here it is, the last few days of summer vacation and we didn't make it through half of our list. I am really fine with not having a "check mark" next to items on the list, but what bothers me is how quickly the time went this summer. I know it always does, but this year seemed to go especially quick.
I was sitting in Kindergarten orientation for my son, who happens to be my youngest and I thought about how just 4 years ago I was sitting in the same room listening to the same speech for my daughter, my oldest. As I looked around the room at so many new faces it was easy to spot the new parents because most of their children were clinging on to them. My son, although he is extremely attached to me seemed to be very calm at orientation which I was so happy and relieved about, but at the same time I realized I was clinging onto him.
I am not ready to let go of both of my children and have them be so independent yet. Some of the parents who were there couldn't have been any more excited about having their child(ren) return to school. Some parents with children who were going into Kindergarten and were only children or the youngest child in their families had parents that were happy about it being time to send the children to school.
I don't understand this concept. In a way I suppose I can see it, if parents are paying for day care, or if they are wanting to return to work without needing to work less hours because of needing to stay home due to a younger child. Most of the parents I know usually have some sort of financial aspect as to why they are happy that all their children are off to school in September.
It is absolutely the opposite way for me. I have been with my babies everyday since birth. I stayed home in intervals so each one had the same amount of time with me. I have been a stay at home mom full time since January 2013, and although it is by far the most difficult job I've ever had, it has also been the most rewarding.
I get to be with my children every single day. I know every single thing about them. I have been so very fortunate to have been able to be home with them over the years. Although my husband and I did take a financial loss when we went from 2 incomes to 1, it was never an issue when we thought of the benefits we were getting in return. There is nothing better than being able to know where your children are and that they are safe, healthy and happy.
We definitely had our bad days, I'm sure my neighbors have heard my children fighting and me yelling at them to knock it off, but kids are kids. Even a tough day at home is better than a good day at work.
In just over a week and a half I am losing my days full of snuggles, hugs, kisses, giggles and everything in between. I know it's only a few hours at school and the day goes by quickly, but I'm still not ready to let any of my time with my children go. I'll even miss the fighting. I need my children as much as they need me. I feel so lost without them around me.
I know a lot of parents, mostly moms (that I've talked to) who are going through the same thing. The separation anxiety is already setting in for us. Of course, being a mom, we have to hide it so the children won't feel it. We need to be strong for them. When we tell them what a wonderful time they will have this year, they need to believe it so they can have the confidence to get on the bus or in the car and walk into that school on their first day and every day thereafter.
When that first day comes and all the children are on that bus and waving out the window, I'll be putting on my sunglasses so they won't see the tears and when it pulls away, I will be a hot mess, that's for sure. Some parents high-five, some smile and laugh that the kids are back to school, I don't. I turn into a blubbering fool. I hate this time of year.
Whether you're a high-fiver or a balling, sniffling, mess like me on that first day, it's always good to take the time we have left of the summer and really engage with your children. Disconnect from your phone, computer, tablet, T.V., anything and everything else. Go outside, go play with your children. Give them this last little glimmer of summer, they'll hold onto it longer than you think. I know mine do, and so do I.
Best of luck to all the children and the parents this year. I hope it is a safe and successful year for all!
:)
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