As a child you rolled down those big beautiful grassy hills for no other reason than to have fun. You got nice and dirty, full of grass stains and the most important part of the roll was making it to the very bottom in as many turns as possible. You always had a friend by your side and at some point you two would run into each other and not only did it not hurt, it made it more fun so the new funnest part of the hill rolling game was to see how many times could you bounce off your friend.
As you got older you found new and more interesting things to do. Sometimes those things got you into trouble, and sometimes they didn't...I suppose it all depended on IF you got caught. Some days were innocent, swimming at the town pool, going to school playground, riding bikes, etc. Other days maybe you went bridge jumping, perhaps you drew some graffiti on an old abandoned building in town, (mixed some Kool-aid with sugar ate the entire bag on a field trip and got yourself nice and sick) or maybe you tipped a cow or two...
As a teenager you snuck up behind that very hill you used to roll down, to the top, back behind trees to make out with your boyfriend. You made sure you told your mother you were going to your friends house and told your friend that you told your mother you were going to be at her house so when your mother called to check up on you your friend would cover for your lame ass because you knew you would be covering for her ass the next weekend.
In your early twenties you saw a whole new side of your friends...usually it was the acid in their stomach/lower intestine areas, lots of the backs of their necks from holding their hair back, and a lot of their ass. I don't know why, but for some reason in our early twenties we dress very provocatively and our friends always ask "does this make my ass look big?" No, no love it doesn't. If it did, I would tell you to take those off immediately and burn them at the stake. You don't need to ask me, although I'm going to ask you so I suppose it's only fair.
For my friends, God love them, they got the constant "Is there something in my teeth?" and "Wait I have to put on more deodorant!" questions/comments. Much later in the evening came the hair holding and acid watching.
Anyway, a tad farther down the line comes the honorary bridesmaid duties. We all stand up for one another and watch as each one of us takes the "plunge" into what we will call "wedded bliss" and watch our friends disappear into Mrs. someone or another. Sure they will always be our friend, but they are now someone else's wife. Something changes along the way, but we of course smile, hug and wish them all the love and happiness in the world.
Some time later comes babies and we all watch as we all age. We watch as our children go through the things we all went through together and we can only hope they make the friends we made along the way. We watch as they go through their first fight with their friends, first boyfriends/girlfriends, first love, first heartbreak, and you talk about it with your friends. You reminisce about "the good old days" and how times have changed, yet you still can talk to your friend like it was the first day you met.
We all know that there are certain "categories" we put people in. Whether we call them friends, acquaintances, co-workers, besties, frienemies, etc. It's those people that you know you can call up anytime, day or night, whether it's been 2 minutes or 2 years and pick up right where you left off and nothing has changed; those are the people that you know are your friends for life. Soul-mates. If you're lucky enough to have even one than consider yourself wealthy in life.
Being a friend means covering someone's ass when they need covering, being someone's rock when they have no solid ground left to stand on, and being there when everyone else has gone. Your someone's eyes, ears, shoulders, feet, hands, heart, stomach, body, mind, and soul when they need it most. I haven't always been the greatest friend, but I have some of the best, and I hope that at least to a few I can return the favor. I hope that my children are fortunate enough to find friends like I have
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Do Not
Before you read this be aware that not all blogs are specific to one person or even to me. Some are and some are generalized. Sometimes I blog for others who are going through things. Sometimes I blog for myself. You can assume if you'd like, but even if you ask, I won't tell you who they are about so they're is no point. I will be upfront about all personal ones as they relate to medical posts and all blogs that have personal information about myself for research purposes like the Chiari, A-Fib, Fusion, Etc. but the ones like the one below...you'll just have to wonder....
You don't get to treat me like a piece of trash. You don't get to walk all over me anytime you damn well please. Last time I checked you were not my superior, nor had any authority over me. I will not bow to you so do not treat me as if I owe you a damn thing. Your remarks are unwelcome and your lack of respect is infuriating. Your attitude is intolerable and your pathetic knowledge of how not to bring down others when you're miserable is ridiculous.
I'm tired of you thinking you can waltz in here and speak to me the way you do. I am not your child. Even if I was your child, that tone would be unacceptable. Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me that way? I am done with your bullshit and your ridiculous, spiteful ways. If this is the way you want it, I want no part of it. Consider me out.
I do not ask for much, and I sure as hell did not ask for this. I am over it. I have been through too much shit to go through this garbage. I grew up for a reason - to get away from all the petty bullshit drama that people like you love to put people through. I am just sick of it.
I'm sorry that you feel that the whole damn world owes you something, and everyone else has it better than you do...yadda, yadda; boo friggen hoo. Get over yourself. You deal with the hand your dealt in life. You take the good with the bad and play it out the best you can. Suck it up and get the hell over it. If you make it from sunrise to sunset with somewhat of your sanity, and some breaths left for the next day I'd call it a success. You see it as a failure if you don't have something substantial happen.
We have a difference of opinion, that's fine. But do not come at me with your shitty attitude and try to bring me down because you want to whine and bitch about who has it better or what you think should've happened today, I don't want to hear it. Do not tell me what you think I need to do with my life - it's none of your effing business. If you so much as open your mouth to me with one more comment that drips with disdain it is going to be an all out war between us, and so help me you will be bitch slapped.
Stop tearing me down to make yourself feel better. It's shitty and ridiculous and frankly I'm tired of you doing it. Do not force me to get more pissed off because I really don't want to go down that road with you. Check your shit at the door when you want to come in my house, otherwise you can check your ass out, permanently.
You don't get to treat me like a piece of trash. You don't get to walk all over me anytime you damn well please. Last time I checked you were not my superior, nor had any authority over me. I will not bow to you so do not treat me as if I owe you a damn thing. Your remarks are unwelcome and your lack of respect is infuriating. Your attitude is intolerable and your pathetic knowledge of how not to bring down others when you're miserable is ridiculous.
I'm tired of you thinking you can waltz in here and speak to me the way you do. I am not your child. Even if I was your child, that tone would be unacceptable. Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me that way? I am done with your bullshit and your ridiculous, spiteful ways. If this is the way you want it, I want no part of it. Consider me out.
I do not ask for much, and I sure as hell did not ask for this. I am over it. I have been through too much shit to go through this garbage. I grew up for a reason - to get away from all the petty bullshit drama that people like you love to put people through. I am just sick of it.
I'm sorry that you feel that the whole damn world owes you something, and everyone else has it better than you do...yadda, yadda; boo friggen hoo. Get over yourself. You deal with the hand your dealt in life. You take the good with the bad and play it out the best you can. Suck it up and get the hell over it. If you make it from sunrise to sunset with somewhat of your sanity, and some breaths left for the next day I'd call it a success. You see it as a failure if you don't have something substantial happen.
We have a difference of opinion, that's fine. But do not come at me with your shitty attitude and try to bring me down because you want to whine and bitch about who has it better or what you think should've happened today, I don't want to hear it. Do not tell me what you think I need to do with my life - it's none of your effing business. If you so much as open your mouth to me with one more comment that drips with disdain it is going to be an all out war between us, and so help me you will be bitch slapped.
Stop tearing me down to make yourself feel better. It's shitty and ridiculous and frankly I'm tired of you doing it. Do not force me to get more pissed off because I really don't want to go down that road with you. Check your shit at the door when you want to come in my house, otherwise you can check your ass out, permanently.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Don't let them....
Over the last few days I've been getting a lot of feedback on these blogs (thank you by the way it's awesome to get that) all of which has been positive so far although I am waiting for those people to come out from behind the scenes with tomatoes and just start chucking away which is perfectly fine because everyone is entitled to their opinion and all feedback is welcome. (But beware if you tell me to eff off, I'll tell you the same).
Anyway, so a few people have asked me (and I will never reveal names so no worries) how is it I can just sound off on some things and how after some of the stuff life throws at me can I just keep going with the attitude I have? Well here's where I stand.
I sound off on things because well I can, and you can too. Don't be afraid of who you really are. I used to be. I was always afraid I was going to offend people and hurt people but as I got older I realized that as long as I don't hurt the people I care about I'm good. Everyone is going to have an opinion about absolutely everything. My opinion is just that, my opinion. Some may not like it, and well they don't have to. Others may laugh about it, and some may even agree with it. There are certain topics I stay away from like politics and religion because it always turns into an argument and people always get really pissed off when you start talking democrats or republicans (neither of which I know the difference of) and/or especially God. People have their own beliefs and I say let them have it. My philosophy is I have my beliefs, you have yours, I won't push mine on you, don't push yours on me. As long as we can coexist like that we will get along swimmingly.
I try to avoid topics that I know will piss people off but if it's something I feel strongly about I'm going to talk about it, and if people don't like it, don't listen, or in this case don't read it. Simple. I really don't care. There are people in this world who absolutely HAVE to get their point across. They talk until they are blue in the face and you can see it in their eyes. They almost look constipated when they talk..they start to shake, they get all sweaty, and jittery... I almost want to hand them an enema kit and some rubber gloves and point them to the watering closet and say "go to town love, and don't forget to do a courtesy flush or two and wash your hands when you're done please, thanks."
Everyone has things that are near and dear to them that they feel strongly about which they talk passionately about. Even if these topics are the most painfully boring things I keep my composure and listen intently because that's the respectful thing to do. However, if I'm reading about it I simply shut the damn book, or close the internet window if it's uninteresting to me. Case closed, no harm no foul.
I've learned through the good things in life and the really shitty things a lot about myself and with each new thing I try to take something positive away. I don't always do that, lots of times I just say "well that was bullshit" and wait for the next craptastical thing to come my way. I have been at the top of my world and at the very bottom. If it's taught me anything it's if you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will stand with you. You have to know who you are. Every day is a challenge of figuring it out and it's completely cool if you don't know who you are at any given point in your life.
I am almost 30 years old and I am proud to say I don't know what the hell I am going to be when I grow up. Ha, ha, ha. Take that teachers of my 6th grade! Who the hell knows when you're 12 anyway?! Jackasses. If I die tomorrow, I die a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a niece, a jackass, a smartass, a patient, a confidant, and apparently a makeshift blogger. I'd say I'm accomplished in my own mind. I don't need to be anything more than that. Shit I'm accomplished with that first one. I'm a mom. I kick ass.
Obviously this blog has swung all over the spectrum but hopefully it's made the point of not being afraid to tell people who you are and be proud of it. Tell people like it is. We all have parts of ourselves that we keep just for ourselves of course, but don't be afraid of who you are. You are amazing. Don't let people make you feel anything but that. Stand up, stand tall, be proud to be you and if people try to tear you down, grab their legs on the way down and take them with you :) Just kidding...kick them in the crotch instead...it hurts more :) Love to all!
Anyway, so a few people have asked me (and I will never reveal names so no worries) how is it I can just sound off on some things and how after some of the stuff life throws at me can I just keep going with the attitude I have? Well here's where I stand.
I sound off on things because well I can, and you can too. Don't be afraid of who you really are. I used to be. I was always afraid I was going to offend people and hurt people but as I got older I realized that as long as I don't hurt the people I care about I'm good. Everyone is going to have an opinion about absolutely everything. My opinion is just that, my opinion. Some may not like it, and well they don't have to. Others may laugh about it, and some may even agree with it. There are certain topics I stay away from like politics and religion because it always turns into an argument and people always get really pissed off when you start talking democrats or republicans (neither of which I know the difference of) and/or especially God. People have their own beliefs and I say let them have it. My philosophy is I have my beliefs, you have yours, I won't push mine on you, don't push yours on me. As long as we can coexist like that we will get along swimmingly.
I try to avoid topics that I know will piss people off but if it's something I feel strongly about I'm going to talk about it, and if people don't like it, don't listen, or in this case don't read it. Simple. I really don't care. There are people in this world who absolutely HAVE to get their point across. They talk until they are blue in the face and you can see it in their eyes. They almost look constipated when they talk..they start to shake, they get all sweaty, and jittery... I almost want to hand them an enema kit and some rubber gloves and point them to the watering closet and say "go to town love, and don't forget to do a courtesy flush or two and wash your hands when you're done please, thanks."
Everyone has things that are near and dear to them that they feel strongly about which they talk passionately about. Even if these topics are the most painfully boring things I keep my composure and listen intently because that's the respectful thing to do. However, if I'm reading about it I simply shut the damn book, or close the internet window if it's uninteresting to me. Case closed, no harm no foul.
I've learned through the good things in life and the really shitty things a lot about myself and with each new thing I try to take something positive away. I don't always do that, lots of times I just say "well that was bullshit" and wait for the next craptastical thing to come my way. I have been at the top of my world and at the very bottom. If it's taught me anything it's if you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will stand with you. You have to know who you are. Every day is a challenge of figuring it out and it's completely cool if you don't know who you are at any given point in your life.
I am almost 30 years old and I am proud to say I don't know what the hell I am going to be when I grow up. Ha, ha, ha. Take that teachers of my 6th grade! Who the hell knows when you're 12 anyway?! Jackasses. If I die tomorrow, I die a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a niece, a jackass, a smartass, a patient, a confidant, and apparently a makeshift blogger. I'd say I'm accomplished in my own mind. I don't need to be anything more than that. Shit I'm accomplished with that first one. I'm a mom. I kick ass.
Obviously this blog has swung all over the spectrum but hopefully it's made the point of not being afraid to tell people who you are and be proud of it. Tell people like it is. We all have parts of ourselves that we keep just for ourselves of course, but don't be afraid of who you are. You are amazing. Don't let people make you feel anything but that. Stand up, stand tall, be proud to be you and if people try to tear you down, grab their legs on the way down and take them with you :) Just kidding...kick them in the crotch instead...it hurts more :) Love to all!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Inked for Awareness
Tomorrow is sort of a special day for me not one anyone would really think of and many are probably tired of hearing about this so if you are, plain and simple don't read on. On Saturday June 15, 2013 it will mark the one year anniversary of my brain surgery to help decompress my Chiari Malformation (you want the basics of it click here http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chiari-malformation/DS00839) In a nutshell it's when your brain stem grows longer than it should and grows out of your skull, onto your spinal cord causing all sorts of issues. Obviously the hole between your skull and spinal cord is a very small one so throw some of your brain in there, you got yourself an issue now don't you?!
Tons and tons of people have this disease and tons and tons of people have no idea they have it, they go their whole lives completely oblivious that this is going on and that is fine because for some people it causes no symptoms, no ailments, and has no short or long term affects on their bodies. Some people have minimal malformations that are just a tad longer than they should be and it may cause a headache here or there or throw your ass of balance a little bit, no biggy.
Other people find they have it and it has severe affects on their lives. It can cause all sorts of issues depending on what type you have and how severe it is. I'm not going into that because all it does it scare people. And please if you are one of those people who thinks that you have everything STOP READING and DON'T look this shit up. The "common symptoms" can be related to a whole bunch of shit and I really don't want to be getting hit up with the "do I have it?" questions, cause P.S. and by the way - I'm not a doctor and if I was I sure as shit would not be blogging at 12:53am.
Anyway, my case was different. If you read any of my shit you'll find that the more I post about medical ailments I am never "textbook", I am always that marvel case that needs specialists because they can't figure shit out which I think means my "P.H.D's" don't know S.H.I.T.
So onward - when I was pregnant with my daughter is when they found I had this Chiari and I was told a whole bunch of bad news which will be for another blog for another time. Yadda, yadda couldn't do much while I was preggo so we waited until after I had her. My OBGYN told me not to have any more kids but I don't listen well so I went ahead a few years later and had another one. I almost died having him and no one really knew why but I remember my Dr. asking my mother and husband which one of us they wanted him to save and they both said me and I sat up which was surprising because I was numb from the neck down and asked if I got a say in it and I got an overwhelming "No". To this day I think that's a little screwed up. Anyway both baby and I made it out ok and I'm happy to report we are all doing just fine today (again another blog for another day).
About a year went by and my Dr.'s watched the Chiari as time went on and my symptoms got worse but I was in no rush to have surgery. I saw an M.D. a few hours away for a second opinion and did about 15 MRI's and Flow Studies and made a follow up appointment with my neurologist closer to home. I went to the appointment both kids in tow and she sat my down and said "It's time." Being the ass that I am I was like "Time for what? Time to make the doughnuts? Time for lunch? What?" But she didn't smile, she was genuinely concerned. Apparently by Chiari grew which is highly abnormal and it grew quick and there was a blockage which meant at any given time I could stroke out. With all the issues still stemming from my son's delivery I was at a super high risk to keel over.
I remember I went to my mother's work and went up to her office and collapsed on her floor and sobbed. I wasn't ready. I was only 28. Brain surgery? No fricken way, not this girl. I had 2 babies, what if I died during it? What if I died before it? What if... And like all good mom's do, she held me and calmed me and reassured me that we would get through it.
I called the hubby, told him the grand news and made the appointment with the neurosurgeon. I was put on the rush list and within no time at all I was on the operating table. Oh what a joy. When I woke up I had literally a half shaven head and a vacuum seal over the incision. I remember the nurse in the PACU and I opened my eyes and literally projectile vomited all over her so hard that it bounced off her face and hit the girl across from her. Man to this day I feel bad about that.
I was in the ICU and totally spaced out. Luckily I have awesome family and friends who were there to see me and I just cried. That whole summer is a complete blur. I had so many allergic reactions, and so many bad days, I just blocked it out as much as possible. On the upside once you have a decompression you are affectionately called a "Zipperhead" because the scar looks like a zipper with the incision and the staple marks, but my awesome doc did it differently so mine is smooth and covers well with my hair that is not fully grown in but close. That was the same summer Lady Jackass Gaga decided to shave her head and get a tattoo on it, well guess what chick - I had the hairdo first so there! I had brain surgery, what the hell did you do?!
Anyway the point - tomorrow morning I am getting the Chiari Ribbon with some other designs tattooed on my shoulder for a number of reasons but mainly to show support for awareness and to support myself for making it through this past year. It's been a tough one folks.
Chiari has no cure at this point, and it is passed on from mother to child so it's something I will need to check my children for down the road (please Lord don't let them have it). You cannot catch it, you cannot "grow" it. But you can support those who have it, so please do. If you're brave enough take a look at the pics..beware though they are gross. Thanks for reading.
Day one
Day seven
Day suck
Day sucks more
Tons and tons of people have this disease and tons and tons of people have no idea they have it, they go their whole lives completely oblivious that this is going on and that is fine because for some people it causes no symptoms, no ailments, and has no short or long term affects on their bodies. Some people have minimal malformations that are just a tad longer than they should be and it may cause a headache here or there or throw your ass of balance a little bit, no biggy.
Other people find they have it and it has severe affects on their lives. It can cause all sorts of issues depending on what type you have and how severe it is. I'm not going into that because all it does it scare people. And please if you are one of those people who thinks that you have everything STOP READING and DON'T look this shit up. The "common symptoms" can be related to a whole bunch of shit and I really don't want to be getting hit up with the "do I have it?" questions, cause P.S. and by the way - I'm not a doctor and if I was I sure as shit would not be blogging at 12:53am.
Anyway, my case was different. If you read any of my shit you'll find that the more I post about medical ailments I am never "textbook", I am always that marvel case that needs specialists because they can't figure shit out which I think means my "P.H.D's" don't know S.H.I.T.
So onward - when I was pregnant with my daughter is when they found I had this Chiari and I was told a whole bunch of bad news which will be for another blog for another time. Yadda, yadda couldn't do much while I was preggo so we waited until after I had her. My OBGYN told me not to have any more kids but I don't listen well so I went ahead a few years later and had another one. I almost died having him and no one really knew why but I remember my Dr. asking my mother and husband which one of us they wanted him to save and they both said me and I sat up which was surprising because I was numb from the neck down and asked if I got a say in it and I got an overwhelming "No". To this day I think that's a little screwed up. Anyway both baby and I made it out ok and I'm happy to report we are all doing just fine today (again another blog for another day).
About a year went by and my Dr.'s watched the Chiari as time went on and my symptoms got worse but I was in no rush to have surgery. I saw an M.D. a few hours away for a second opinion and did about 15 MRI's and Flow Studies and made a follow up appointment with my neurologist closer to home. I went to the appointment both kids in tow and she sat my down and said "It's time." Being the ass that I am I was like "Time for what? Time to make the doughnuts? Time for lunch? What?" But she didn't smile, she was genuinely concerned. Apparently by Chiari grew which is highly abnormal and it grew quick and there was a blockage which meant at any given time I could stroke out. With all the issues still stemming from my son's delivery I was at a super high risk to keel over.
I remember I went to my mother's work and went up to her office and collapsed on her floor and sobbed. I wasn't ready. I was only 28. Brain surgery? No fricken way, not this girl. I had 2 babies, what if I died during it? What if I died before it? What if... And like all good mom's do, she held me and calmed me and reassured me that we would get through it.
I called the hubby, told him the grand news and made the appointment with the neurosurgeon. I was put on the rush list and within no time at all I was on the operating table. Oh what a joy. When I woke up I had literally a half shaven head and a vacuum seal over the incision. I remember the nurse in the PACU and I opened my eyes and literally projectile vomited all over her so hard that it bounced off her face and hit the girl across from her. Man to this day I feel bad about that.
I was in the ICU and totally spaced out. Luckily I have awesome family and friends who were there to see me and I just cried. That whole summer is a complete blur. I had so many allergic reactions, and so many bad days, I just blocked it out as much as possible. On the upside once you have a decompression you are affectionately called a "Zipperhead" because the scar looks like a zipper with the incision and the staple marks, but my awesome doc did it differently so mine is smooth and covers well with my hair that is not fully grown in but close. That was the same summer Lady Jackass Gaga decided to shave her head and get a tattoo on it, well guess what chick - I had the hairdo first so there! I had brain surgery, what the hell did you do?!
Anyway the point - tomorrow morning I am getting the Chiari Ribbon with some other designs tattooed on my shoulder for a number of reasons but mainly to show support for awareness and to support myself for making it through this past year. It's been a tough one folks.
Chiari has no cure at this point, and it is passed on from mother to child so it's something I will need to check my children for down the road (please Lord don't let them have it). You cannot catch it, you cannot "grow" it. But you can support those who have it, so please do. If you're brave enough take a look at the pics..beware though they are gross. Thanks for reading.
Day sucks more
You know you've done it
Standing out in the middle of the rain yelling at my dog like he's 1. going to answer me, 2. going to listen or 3. going to acknowledge my existence it dawns on me, I am that person THAT person that I so frequently ask "what the hell is wrong with them?!" Yep, that's me. Screaming at my dog who I am quite sure does this shit on purpose just looks at me like "keep yelling jackass cause between the two of us who looks like the jerk?!" In the back of my mind I know he's right but that only infuriates me more. He barks to go outside and always at the most inopportune time, like when it's pouring outside, or when I'm in the middle of changing my son's diaper, or if I'm in the middle of taking a shower or going pee (which I do not do simultaneously) . Of course when he gets out there he just barks at nothing, a leaf blowing by, a rock staring menacingly at him in the driveway or God forbid the wind blows!
My dog is a great dog in some ways, he is awesome with my kids and when he's not being a total pain in my ass he is a snuggle bug and he's very loyal. However the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day he is a major pain in my ass.
This dog has tripped me and several friends and relatives with his chain, eats more play-dough and barfs it up than necessary and in the winter enjoys himself a nice poopsicle every so often. I love my dog dearly but when I am standing outside screaming at him to get his ass inside and he just looks at me like "I don't think so bitch" he wears on my last nerve.
Lately he's been going out and pooping, scuffing his feet like a bull, then taking off in "hot laps", running in small fast circles around it. So I ask him every time "Joey, WTF are you doing?" Now I'm asking myself, why do I ask him? It's not like he's going to answer me!
Quite often I stand out there talking to him, trying to coax him inside with treats when eventually I just call him an asshole and storm in the house. I realized today there was a person walking (in the rain) as I was screaming "you're an asshole" to the dog. Oops, I'm pretty sure she thought I was talking to her based on the look she shot me. Although she was the one walking in the rain so if the shoe fits lady.....
I may be a jerk for screaming at him publicly but he's an ass for not listening and that's my excuse and you know you've done it too.....
My dog is a great dog in some ways, he is awesome with my kids and when he's not being a total pain in my ass he is a snuggle bug and he's very loyal. However the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day he is a major pain in my ass.
This dog has tripped me and several friends and relatives with his chain, eats more play-dough and barfs it up than necessary and in the winter enjoys himself a nice poopsicle every so often. I love my dog dearly but when I am standing outside screaming at him to get his ass inside and he just looks at me like "I don't think so bitch" he wears on my last nerve.
Lately he's been going out and pooping, scuffing his feet like a bull, then taking off in "hot laps", running in small fast circles around it. So I ask him every time "Joey, WTF are you doing?" Now I'm asking myself, why do I ask him? It's not like he's going to answer me!
Quite often I stand out there talking to him, trying to coax him inside with treats when eventually I just call him an asshole and storm in the house. I realized today there was a person walking (in the rain) as I was screaming "you're an asshole" to the dog. Oops, I'm pretty sure she thought I was talking to her based on the look she shot me. Although she was the one walking in the rain so if the shoe fits lady.....
I may be a jerk for screaming at him publicly but he's an ass for not listening and that's my excuse and you know you've done it too.....
Monday, June 10, 2013
Why I can and you can too
Ok last blog of the night because I'm getting really friggen tired....so I was just asked why blog to get things out there. Ok first, I don't know - haven't done it before. Sounded like a good idea so here I am. Second, not much of a "sleeper" these days so I figured while the rest of this side of the planet sleeps, it might be a good thing to do and in light of my first sentence, it seems to be working. Thirdly and most important I LOVE sounding off about random shit. I don't know why, but I think everybody does. Lots of times who the hell really wants to hear it? This way, if you don't want to - don't read it. Simple. I tend to speak and then think so my mouth gets me in trouble A LOT, even though I am an adult so this way I can somewhat put my filter on, if I so desire. So short(ish) and sweet, that's why the blog. In theory because I can and in all reality you can too. Thanks much and good night or good morning depending on where you are and how accurate your clock is.
What if
You know that girl you see running down the street everyday, you know whether it's raining or snowing, hot as hell or freezing cold? She's committed to it. It has become her. For the life of you, you have no idea why she does it, she's so damn skinny and what you wouldn't do to be able to have that sort of body....well anything but run everyday. Or how about that guy that is constantly working out at the gym and not losing a pound. You see him everyday, he works his ass off, machine after machine, everyday he adds a little more weight to the dumbbells and he lifts and lifts but he always seems to stay the same weight. You wonder why. How about that teenager who walks home everyday from school. You know the one who has the same clothes on everyday, her hair is tangled, she looks dirty, her clothes are torn and worn and she's always alone, no one walks with her. She always seems sad. Yet you walk right past her.
We all know people like these, we've seen them, we've ignored them, we stop and think about them when we see them but then we put them out of our heads. Maybe it's because we don't want to think about it, maybe we don't want to face the truth, the ugly truth.
But what if we stopped our oh so busy lives for just a few minutes and befriended these people? What if we stopped the girl who runs every day and asked her name and if she would like a running partner? What if we befriended her and found out that she was previously picked on for being overweight and is now so afraid that she'll turn back into it she has become obsessed. She doesn't eat, she barely sleeps, and she works out all day everyday. She is ashamed of her body, her self-esteem is so low she won't allow herself to stop until every ounce of what she used to be is gone. She has no one, no friends, no family. She has alienated herself from the world in fear of humiliation. And all you saw before getting to know her was her waistline...
What if you talked to the guy at the gym? What if you asked him to be your work-out partner? Shared with him some nutritional tips on the right foods to eat when your trying to fuel your body for a workout. Help him instead of stare. Get to know him, become his friend. What if you found he is a binge eater? What if you found he was in the armed forces and was sent on deployment twice during the Afghanistan war after 9/11. What if he showed you pictures of what he once looked like, svelte, muscular, toned and then you ask him what happened. What if he showed you pictures of his best friend who died in his arms in the war. What if he came home and couldn't deal with the pressure? What if life is too much for him? All you saw was the weight....
What if you walked beside the teenager one day and asked her name? What if you asked where she lived and if you could help her carry her things? What if you asked her if she would like a snack? What if you found she was being abused, mentally, physically, and emotionally at school, at home? What if she told you she was bullied every day because of the way she was dressed and her lack of hygiene? What if she told you she had been bounced around from foster home to foster home? What if she told you that she often thought of killing herself to escape the pain? Would you help her or would you let her go?
We all have initial judgments and ideas when we see people, it's human nature. What if we taught the next generation a better way? Believe me when I say I am guilty of judging, but I have been trying to change. I'm not saying walk up to a stranger and just strike up a conversation asking all sorts of personal questions, I'm a big believer/advocate in "Stranger Danger". But what a difference a smile can make, or a simple "hello". We only walk in one pair of shoes figuratively speaking, our own. What if we can change someone's life for the better....what if?
Music to my ears.....
Ever notice that you could be in a perfectly content mood, driving you car, cleaning your house, doing your laundry, whatever tickles your fancy and then a song comes on the radio and it magically transports you back to a time and place in your memory that changes your mood? Either for the better or the worse.....
Today I had that very thing happen and it happens all the time, I just wish I could turn it off somehow or reroute the songs that have the negative meanings that turn my good moods into crappy ones. Today however it was a rare occasion where I had a "flashback" from my youth (not that I'm that old - not quite 30 yet) where it changed my mood for the better (at first). A song came on that was from my youth that threw me back to my high school years and it brought back a flood of memories. This particular song was played constantly at our high school dances and we used to "rock out" to it and back then it was a much different form of "rocking out". The carefree days came back to me like a free for all and all my friends' faces flashed through my head and I couldn't help but feel that nostalgic feeling in the pit of my stomach. It didn't last long, about the length of the song, when reality came rushing back like good old aunt flow every month (sorry boys but she's not pleasant and neither was that feeling).
I see all the signs up around town "Congratulations Class of 2013" and I hear all the kids talk about the parties and how great this summer is going to be. What they don't know is how hard August is going to be. September used to be the month that sucked the most, back to the Grind, homework, teachers, classes....hanging with friends on the weekend, going to parties, sneaking out (sorry mom), the best years of their lives aren't over, but the most carefree ones are. And come August these kids have to say good-bye to the people they've grown up with and they have no idea how hard that's going to be.
I stared at a picture of my and my bestie for a long time tonight after that song, that damn song that made me happy and threw me back in time. It was of us in our cap and gowns the day we graduated, and man did we look small. The world hadn't chewed us up and spit us out yet. Luckily today we still have each other and I'm proud to say she's still my bestie.
Anyway, after all those happy thoughts faded I got sad about all the friends that I have said good-bye to over the years and lost along the way. I went over to the radio popped in a CD and put on an old song, our "Senior Year" song by Eve 6 called "Here's to the Night" and I got sad. So like I said ..... from one mood to another, damn music.
Today I had that very thing happen and it happens all the time, I just wish I could turn it off somehow or reroute the songs that have the negative meanings that turn my good moods into crappy ones. Today however it was a rare occasion where I had a "flashback" from my youth (not that I'm that old - not quite 30 yet) where it changed my mood for the better (at first). A song came on that was from my youth that threw me back to my high school years and it brought back a flood of memories. This particular song was played constantly at our high school dances and we used to "rock out" to it and back then it was a much different form of "rocking out". The carefree days came back to me like a free for all and all my friends' faces flashed through my head and I couldn't help but feel that nostalgic feeling in the pit of my stomach. It didn't last long, about the length of the song, when reality came rushing back like good old aunt flow every month (sorry boys but she's not pleasant and neither was that feeling).
I see all the signs up around town "Congratulations Class of 2013" and I hear all the kids talk about the parties and how great this summer is going to be. What they don't know is how hard August is going to be. September used to be the month that sucked the most, back to the Grind, homework, teachers, classes....hanging with friends on the weekend, going to parties, sneaking out (sorry mom), the best years of their lives aren't over, but the most carefree ones are. And come August these kids have to say good-bye to the people they've grown up with and they have no idea how hard that's going to be.
I stared at a picture of my and my bestie for a long time tonight after that song, that damn song that made me happy and threw me back in time. It was of us in our cap and gowns the day we graduated, and man did we look small. The world hadn't chewed us up and spit us out yet. Luckily today we still have each other and I'm proud to say she's still my bestie.
Anyway, after all those happy thoughts faded I got sad about all the friends that I have said good-bye to over the years and lost along the way. I went over to the radio popped in a CD and put on an old song, our "Senior Year" song by Eve 6 called "Here's to the Night" and I got sad. So like I said ..... from one mood to another, damn music.
Testing the waters.....
Well a simple post on Facebook landed me attempting a blog - a random and somewhat scary thought for those who know me well. Let's be crystal clear on a few things: I am not a writer, I am not philosopher, and I am not one who uses a thesaurus. That being said, those who read any of what I may post be aware that I am blunt, I use simple terms and I am somewhat of a smart ass. I am opinionated but I am not one to push my opinions on others so whatever I may post is simply for reading and are just my opinions and are what we'll call "observations". So that being said let's give this a whirl and see what happens.....
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