You know you've done it

Standing out in the middle of the rain yelling at my dog like he's 1. going to answer me, 2. going to listen or 3. going to acknowledge my existence it dawns on me, I am that person THAT person that I so frequently ask "what the hell is wrong with them?!"  Yep, that's me.  Screaming at my dog who I am quite sure does this shit on purpose just looks at me like "keep yelling jackass cause between the two of us who looks like the jerk?!"  In the back of my mind I know he's right but that only infuriates me more.  He barks to go outside and always at the most inopportune time, like when it's pouring outside, or when I'm in the middle of changing my son's diaper, or if I'm in the middle of taking a shower or going pee (which I do not do simultaneously) . Of course when he gets out there he just barks at nothing, a leaf blowing by, a rock staring menacingly at him in the driveway or God forbid the wind blows!

My dog is a great dog in some ways, he is awesome with my kids and when he's not being a total pain in my ass he is a snuggle bug and he's very loyal.  However the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day he is a major pain in my ass.

This dog has tripped me and several friends and relatives with his chain, eats more play-dough and barfs it up than necessary and in the winter enjoys himself a nice poopsicle every so often.  I love my dog dearly but when I am standing outside screaming at him to get his ass inside and he just looks at me like "I don't think so bitch" he wears on my last nerve.

Lately he's been going out and pooping, scuffing his feet like a bull, then taking off in "hot laps", running in small fast circles around it.  So I ask him every time "Joey, WTF are you doing?"  Now I'm asking myself, why do I ask him?  It's not like he's going to answer me!

Quite often I stand out there talking to him, trying to coax him inside with treats when eventually I just call him an asshole and storm in the house.  I realized today there was a person walking (in the rain) as I was screaming "you're an asshole" to the dog.  Oops, I'm pretty sure she thought I was talking to her based on the look she shot me.  Although she was the one walking in the rain so if the shoe fits lady.....

I may be a jerk for screaming at him publicly but he's an ass for not listening and that's my excuse and you know you've done it too.....