Taking my daughter into school today to meet her teachers was a bit surreal. Walking the halls of an elementary school, my daughter in one hand a stack full of supplies in the other. Down the first grade hall we went and we found her classroom and in we walked. She looked so unsure yet steady. She gave me that "I can do it mom" look and for a moment I thought "you can, but can I?"
It's funny we groom our children to be strong and independent but are we ever really ready to let them go? I know I'm not. This is silly to some, I mean it's only first grade. But she is my first born, my oldest. And my youngest is off to pre-school this year and I no longer have babies to snuggle with at home. I know how fast time goes.
I know they are still little and I still have some time to enjoy this cuddley-wuddley time where they actually still like their parents, but I also know it goes fast. I know that for a bulk of the day at least my daughter is on her own. She is making new friends, making her imprint on other people, and opening her wings up to the world. She is starting to see how school really works, how kids really behave and little by little how the "real world" operates and it is absolutely terrifying for me.
What happens when some little punk picks on her? Or when a boy asks her for her phone number? What about when the "mean girls" say crap about her? What happens when she fights with her friends? What happens when she has the time of her life throughout the next 12 years and realizes that mommy isn't the end all be all of her world?! What happens then?
Yes I am having a little bit of a breakdown at the moment and over-reacting but this is what mommies do. Mommies have babies and hold onto them so tight, protect them with everything they have, give them all they are, and demand nothing but the best for them. So it's hard to let even just a little go.
Now I realize it's only first grade but you have to realize it's my baby, and at some point you were someone's baby too, and I guarantee she felt the same way. If you think this is bad you should have seen me putting her on the bus for the first time last year...I was a hot mess. There is not a big enough tranquilizer on the planet to subdue me.
I'm sure sending her off to first grade will be just as hard as sending her off to Kindergarten as it will be sending my son off to pre-school. They will grow to be amazing, happy, well-rounded individuals through all their adventures and experiences, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Life lessons, taught and learned....
Sorry peeps but I just have to sound off tonight....
I am slightly irritated and overwhelmingly hurt by certain people in this world who seem to think that just because things didn't work out the way we thought you just think you have the right to walk all over me and say anything you damn well please about me. Let me tell you a little story there sweetheart.
Once upon a time there was a girl who lived her whole life just as everyone else does, one day at a time. Taking every new day as it comes and every good news with joy and enthusiasm and every bit of bad news with as much positivity as possible. Then one day something happened to her, she got more bad news than she could handle and she just lost it. She broke. She sunk down to the very bottom of her existence and wasted precious time loathing in self pity.
Not many knew how bad off she really was but those who did, did everything they could to pick her up. Finally she came around and realized things could always be worse. She was still breathing (against all odds) and there was room for improvement so instead of wasting away she was going to stand up and fight for her life back and get back to actually living it.
It took a long time but she did it. She held onto the shoulders of her closest family and friends who were there for her through the toughest times in her life to date and she eventually found the strength to stand on her own to feet. She got back into the swing of life and actually started enjoying life again.
With each day she got a little more enthusiastic about life and while she had bad days there was always something positive she tried to think about. Unfortunately bad luck came her way over and over again so she did get knocked down a few more times but she fought back every time with the help of her family and friends.
There are somethings left inside her that are forever changed and altered that will never be the same. Sometimes she finds herself being bitter about them but she tries not to bring anyone else down about it. Quite often she turns to humor to mask it.
Oddly enough what she thought she had in some people she found to be fake or at the very least not as meaningful through these processes. Once upon a time someone once told her "there is a reason every single person passes through our lives, every person teaches us a lesson." I am still trying to figure out the lesson that I am being taught, that I have taught others or that I am teaching right now. The person who said those words to me has no idea the impact she had on me. I wish things were different with that whole situation too but I can't change what happened in the past, this is the hand I was dealt and what's done is done.
I don't like when people look at me and say one thing then turn around and whisper the opposite. And I really hate when people look at me and make sly comments about my situation because you don't live my life. Unless you have lived in my body you don't know my pain so maybe you should just shut your damn mouth.
I'm not a person to say one thing when I feel another, I'm going to tell you exactly how I feel and I'm not one to judge anybody especially by their disabilities or inabilities. So maybe next time give me the same courtesy I give you and be upfront about your feelings. I don't care if you don't like me. You also don't know me or what I've been through. I don't need you to pity me, I don't need you to play the game either.
Life lessons are both taught and learned by everyone. If you are unwilling to open your mind even a little bit then you aren't going to lead a very lonely and empty life.
I am slightly irritated and overwhelmingly hurt by certain people in this world who seem to think that just because things didn't work out the way we thought you just think you have the right to walk all over me and say anything you damn well please about me. Let me tell you a little story there sweetheart.
Once upon a time there was a girl who lived her whole life just as everyone else does, one day at a time. Taking every new day as it comes and every good news with joy and enthusiasm and every bit of bad news with as much positivity as possible. Then one day something happened to her, she got more bad news than she could handle and she just lost it. She broke. She sunk down to the very bottom of her existence and wasted precious time loathing in self pity.
Not many knew how bad off she really was but those who did, did everything they could to pick her up. Finally she came around and realized things could always be worse. She was still breathing (against all odds) and there was room for improvement so instead of wasting away she was going to stand up and fight for her life back and get back to actually living it.
It took a long time but she did it. She held onto the shoulders of her closest family and friends who were there for her through the toughest times in her life to date and she eventually found the strength to stand on her own to feet. She got back into the swing of life and actually started enjoying life again.
With each day she got a little more enthusiastic about life and while she had bad days there was always something positive she tried to think about. Unfortunately bad luck came her way over and over again so she did get knocked down a few more times but she fought back every time with the help of her family and friends.
There are somethings left inside her that are forever changed and altered that will never be the same. Sometimes she finds herself being bitter about them but she tries not to bring anyone else down about it. Quite often she turns to humor to mask it.
Oddly enough what she thought she had in some people she found to be fake or at the very least not as meaningful through these processes. Once upon a time someone once told her "there is a reason every single person passes through our lives, every person teaches us a lesson." I am still trying to figure out the lesson that I am being taught, that I have taught others or that I am teaching right now. The person who said those words to me has no idea the impact she had on me. I wish things were different with that whole situation too but I can't change what happened in the past, this is the hand I was dealt and what's done is done.
I don't like when people look at me and say one thing then turn around and whisper the opposite. And I really hate when people look at me and make sly comments about my situation because you don't live my life. Unless you have lived in my body you don't know my pain so maybe you should just shut your damn mouth.
I'm not a person to say one thing when I feel another, I'm going to tell you exactly how I feel and I'm not one to judge anybody especially by their disabilities or inabilities. So maybe next time give me the same courtesy I give you and be upfront about your feelings. I don't care if you don't like me. You also don't know me or what I've been through. I don't need you to pity me, I don't need you to play the game either.
Life lessons are both taught and learned by everyone. If you are unwilling to open your mind even a little bit then you aren't going to lead a very lonely and empty life.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Drifting Apart
The last few days I have been talking to my daughter about friendship and what it means to be a friend, having friend, how it works when you make new ones and what happens to the old ones when you make new ones. School is starting back up soon and of course her class will be filled with some kids she already knows; "old friends" and some kids she'll be meeting for the first time; "new friends". These conversations have for some reason hit a difficult spot for me lately and it's hard to keep the conversation light and airy, fun and fresh when it carries such a heavy burden on myself.
You know everyone goes through the process of making friends, and losing some. Having those few close ones that stick with you for life and those others that come and go faster than you change your underwear. Some have made some lasting impressions on our lives and others have made some deep scars. As a parent you can't let those feelings show. You have to just let life happen and tell your children all about being a good friend and how being friends with everyone is the best thing and knowing that somewhere along the way your child is going to be hurt by another child and your child will probably hurt another child all in the name of friendship. It's all a part of life. It's a part of growing up.
I told my daughter how I moved away from all my friends when I was young and changed schools and how hard it was to say good-bye. How I cried and cried and for so long secretly wished it never happened. I always had a special place for the friends I left behind. Of course I made some pretty amazing friends at the school I moved to and I am so lucky to have a few life-long friends because of it.
Growing up people change, we come into our own and we grow apart from the people we call our friends at the time. It's not always a bad thing, sometimes we part without really saying good-bye we just drift, no hard feelings, no tearful farewell. Other times it's like an episode of Jerry Springer and the whole damn world is involved. You never really know.
Then of course there are the people who you know are always there and can call on when something is wrong. When the phone rings and it's their number you don't have to say anything, you just grab your keys and jump in the car and go and you talk on the way. It could be years in between phone calls, but when something happens, you come together.
Then there are the lifers. The ones who are there through thick and thin. You don't have many of these. They are far and few between. You don't need to talk often, but once you do it's like no time has gone by at all. They are your besties, an extension of yourself, they know you probably better than you know yourself. They are rare and precious.
There are the ones you call your friends but never see or talk to but you like them and think of them as friends so that's just what they are. There are lots of "labels" for lots of different people but the ones in particular that have been on my mind lately are the drifters. The ones that sort of just went away. Not really sure why, just did.
I know at some point we both changed and I know that it happens throughout school and what not but I guess I never really thought it would happen throughout my entire life. So as I sit here and try to tell my daughter all about the wonderful things she is going to do at school and all the wonderful friends she is going to have I began to miss mine. I thought about a few of them and then some more and then I just got sad. I didn't realize how many had drifted away the last few years and I just didn't notice. Life happens I suppose and it's expected, but I didn't stop to take a look around. I'm a person who needs closure so in my own weird way I guess this is my farewell and even though we let go who knows how long ago, I can feel better about it now.
I was talking to my husband about some of them and realized I remember way back when one way but I'm sure they remember it completely different. I see my past one way but others are looking from the outside. I guess it's a good lesson. I mean take high school - I remember that one way but I'm sure someone somewhere has said once upon a time "hey remember that girl who everyone called ___ ____".... Everyone was called something bad probably more than one...I know I was and if you think you weren't you're naive.
In any case I told my daughter she doesn't need to be anything more than exactly who she is because she is perfect just the way she is. And I told her how important it is to be friends with everyone because no one likes to be left out. I know someone will leave her out sometime along the way and it will hurt her and I'll want to punch the little shit but I can't because he/she is just a kid. Someday she'll probably leave someone out and it'll hurt that kid and I don't want that either but I know it'll happen and it's something that seems so small in the bigger scheme of things but kids can be so cruel and it can last a lifetime. Adults can be cruel and that stings just as bad.
It's obvious this blog jumps around a bit but the point I'm trying to make here is please teach your kids to be kind to everyone and I do mean everyone. Time itself will weed out friendships, they don't need to be into cliques and certain social clubs to start out. Drifting apart is hard enough without starting out with boundaries. It's a lot easier to teach our kids to be accepting of everyone in the beginning then to try to unteach hatred down the road.
You know everyone goes through the process of making friends, and losing some. Having those few close ones that stick with you for life and those others that come and go faster than you change your underwear. Some have made some lasting impressions on our lives and others have made some deep scars. As a parent you can't let those feelings show. You have to just let life happen and tell your children all about being a good friend and how being friends with everyone is the best thing and knowing that somewhere along the way your child is going to be hurt by another child and your child will probably hurt another child all in the name of friendship. It's all a part of life. It's a part of growing up.
I told my daughter how I moved away from all my friends when I was young and changed schools and how hard it was to say good-bye. How I cried and cried and for so long secretly wished it never happened. I always had a special place for the friends I left behind. Of course I made some pretty amazing friends at the school I moved to and I am so lucky to have a few life-long friends because of it.
Growing up people change, we come into our own and we grow apart from the people we call our friends at the time. It's not always a bad thing, sometimes we part without really saying good-bye we just drift, no hard feelings, no tearful farewell. Other times it's like an episode of Jerry Springer and the whole damn world is involved. You never really know.
Then of course there are the people who you know are always there and can call on when something is wrong. When the phone rings and it's their number you don't have to say anything, you just grab your keys and jump in the car and go and you talk on the way. It could be years in between phone calls, but when something happens, you come together.
Then there are the lifers. The ones who are there through thick and thin. You don't have many of these. They are far and few between. You don't need to talk often, but once you do it's like no time has gone by at all. They are your besties, an extension of yourself, they know you probably better than you know yourself. They are rare and precious.
There are the ones you call your friends but never see or talk to but you like them and think of them as friends so that's just what they are. There are lots of "labels" for lots of different people but the ones in particular that have been on my mind lately are the drifters. The ones that sort of just went away. Not really sure why, just did.
I know at some point we both changed and I know that it happens throughout school and what not but I guess I never really thought it would happen throughout my entire life. So as I sit here and try to tell my daughter all about the wonderful things she is going to do at school and all the wonderful friends she is going to have I began to miss mine. I thought about a few of them and then some more and then I just got sad. I didn't realize how many had drifted away the last few years and I just didn't notice. Life happens I suppose and it's expected, but I didn't stop to take a look around. I'm a person who needs closure so in my own weird way I guess this is my farewell and even though we let go who knows how long ago, I can feel better about it now.
I was talking to my husband about some of them and realized I remember way back when one way but I'm sure they remember it completely different. I see my past one way but others are looking from the outside. I guess it's a good lesson. I mean take high school - I remember that one way but I'm sure someone somewhere has said once upon a time "hey remember that girl who everyone called ___ ____".... Everyone was called something bad probably more than one...I know I was and if you think you weren't you're naive.
In any case I told my daughter she doesn't need to be anything more than exactly who she is because she is perfect just the way she is. And I told her how important it is to be friends with everyone because no one likes to be left out. I know someone will leave her out sometime along the way and it will hurt her and I'll want to punch the little shit but I can't because he/she is just a kid. Someday she'll probably leave someone out and it'll hurt that kid and I don't want that either but I know it'll happen and it's something that seems so small in the bigger scheme of things but kids can be so cruel and it can last a lifetime. Adults can be cruel and that stings just as bad.
It's obvious this blog jumps around a bit but the point I'm trying to make here is please teach your kids to be kind to everyone and I do mean everyone. Time itself will weed out friendships, they don't need to be into cliques and certain social clubs to start out. Drifting apart is hard enough without starting out with boundaries. It's a lot easier to teach our kids to be accepting of everyone in the beginning then to try to unteach hatred down the road.
Friday, August 16, 2013
And that's so me....
A small glimpse into me: I go to physical therapy twice week because I had major back surgery a few months ago. In order to get to my PT office I have to walk through a gym which is a place I am not the most comfortable going. Don't get me wrong I am all for people getting physically fit and being active, I just am one of those people who if I was to step foot on a treadmill would have the luck that it would probably short circuit and fry my ass. I had a gym membership for about 7 years and I went for the first 2 of the 7 and within those years I could probably count on one hand the number of times I actually worked out. It's a little pathetic I know.
So today as I was waiting to be called in I was watching the people lift weights and it caught my eye that one guy was making a really strange face. Trying not to be too obvious I looked in his general direction in the mirror so I could watch his face without looking directly at him. It didn't take me long to realize that this poor bastard had to sneeze but apparently he was in the middle of a set and didn't want to stop in fear of losing count I suppose.
The faces he was making was quite hysterical because he looked like he was either constipated or he just shit himself and was looking for anyone else to pin it on. But like all good things it had to come to an end. This poor guy just couldn't hold it in any longer and with epic force this sneeze came out and snot went flying all over the mirrors and the dumbbells flew through the air with massive force. They hit the ground (luckily not the mirrors) and it made such a sound I couldn't help but laugh. I quickly snuck back into the reception room so he wouldn't see me laughing because I didn't want to embarrass the poor guy but it was one of those things that if I didn't have a strong bladder I would have seriously needed some new britches.
This is one of those moments where I am thankful that I do not go to a gym because you know some poor bastard is going to slip on that massive goober and fall flat on his ass and probably bust a hip and do you know where he'll end up next?! Right next to my ass in PT and I'll just look at him with pity and offer up some hand and ass sanitizer cause that's so me....
This is one of those moments where I am thankful that I do not go to a gym because you know some poor bastard is going to slip on that massive goober and fall flat on his ass and probably bust a hip and do you know where he'll end up next?! Right next to my ass in PT and I'll just look at him with pity and offer up some hand and ass sanitizer cause that's so me....
Why? No really, why?
Sometimes I sit down at this computer and I just think about things. Sometimes my thoughts are deep and meaningful; thoughts about life, my kids, my marriage, how I'm going to make it through the next day dealing with all this pain I'm in. Other times I'm thinking about the most idiotic shit that comes in my head; why is my fish so loud? I'm hungry, should I pee now or do I wait?, I'm tired, I'm hungry, Do I repeat myself? It's never a dull moment in my head....
Tonight just happens to be one of those nights where I am asking a non-rhetorical but seemingly unanswerable question....why is it that women can have babies, go through unbelievable amounts of pain with surgeries, labor, feminine issues, honey you name it, we get it, and men who while I'm not saying they don't get SOME problems but no where NEAR the pain women go through and yet they get a cold, or a paper cut and sweet Jesus the world is coming to an end!
I don't get it. Seriously now boys I am not saying you all don't get sick and achy and while I fully understand how bad it sucks to feel like a pile of crap smashed on the bottom of someones shoes but for the love of all that is Holy grow a pair would ya?
Let's take a look here...a mom gets sick, she still cleans the house, cooks dinner, takes care of the kids, make sure the household bills are paid, gets the groceries, gets the kids to their sports games on time, makes sure the children are bathed, homework done and dishes are done before she sits down for 5 minutes to let that Motrin she took 12 hours ago set in. A man get the sniffles and suddenly he needs a couch with a bottle of ginger ale, seventeen blankets, fourteen pillows, the remote control and a box of tissues all within reach and if it's not suddenly his stuffy nose is clear enough for him to call out your name a dozen times so you can walk from down the stairs with two baskets of laundry in your hands and a kid on each hip just so you could move that remote an inch closer to him and by God is he lucky you don't beat him to death with it.
Let's say that same mom comes home 3 days after giving birth, doesn't matter which way, either she squeezed that lovable bundle out of her who-ha that sweet little 7lb 2oz baby just felt like a watermelon squeezing through a kiwi good luck eating fruit later....OR she has a nice incision cut along the pubic bone and is either glued, stitched or stapled shut and any little tug, sneeze or stretch is going to pull the shit out of those bitches... not to mention to rigorous pain she just went through to get that baby out...
Anyway so you all just get home and it's time to feed the baby, maybe dad takes a turn it's a cute and giggly, but oh damn it poops! Uh oh - right to mommy never mind the fact that she cannot sit or pee without it feeling like her world is on FIRE but yes let her do it. Let her give the baby a bath too - sure she'd LOVE to bend over that damn tub or sink too BRING IT ON!
And boys don't get your panties in a bunch, all of you don't do this, some of you are very nurturing and helpful and take excellent care of your wives/girlfriends and new babies. My point is that when it comes to pain you are all a bunch of bitches. Women can take it all and you can't take a paper cut without calling for thirty six band-aids and some kisses from your mommy and I just don't get why. I mean seriously.
Growing up I always saw men as this strong and buff figure of strength and as I get older I just see men being a bunch of wusses. My hubby cuts his fingers open gets one little shot and is in bed for two days...come on dude where are your balls?! His reply - "I took care of you when you got hurt" My rebuttal "I had 2 c-sections, BRAIN surgery and BACK surgery within 6 months! Find your balls!" Just saying...
Again not all men...but a lot of ya. So why, no really why?
Tonight just happens to be one of those nights where I am asking a non-rhetorical but seemingly unanswerable question....why is it that women can have babies, go through unbelievable amounts of pain with surgeries, labor, feminine issues, honey you name it, we get it, and men who while I'm not saying they don't get SOME problems but no where NEAR the pain women go through and yet they get a cold, or a paper cut and sweet Jesus the world is coming to an end!
I don't get it. Seriously now boys I am not saying you all don't get sick and achy and while I fully understand how bad it sucks to feel like a pile of crap smashed on the bottom of someones shoes but for the love of all that is Holy grow a pair would ya?
Let's take a look here...a mom gets sick, she still cleans the house, cooks dinner, takes care of the kids, make sure the household bills are paid, gets the groceries, gets the kids to their sports games on time, makes sure the children are bathed, homework done and dishes are done before she sits down for 5 minutes to let that Motrin she took 12 hours ago set in. A man get the sniffles and suddenly he needs a couch with a bottle of ginger ale, seventeen blankets, fourteen pillows, the remote control and a box of tissues all within reach and if it's not suddenly his stuffy nose is clear enough for him to call out your name a dozen times so you can walk from down the stairs with two baskets of laundry in your hands and a kid on each hip just so you could move that remote an inch closer to him and by God is he lucky you don't beat him to death with it.
Let's say that same mom comes home 3 days after giving birth, doesn't matter which way, either she squeezed that lovable bundle out of her who-ha that sweet little 7lb 2oz baby just felt like a watermelon squeezing through a kiwi good luck eating fruit later....OR she has a nice incision cut along the pubic bone and is either glued, stitched or stapled shut and any little tug, sneeze or stretch is going to pull the shit out of those bitches... not to mention to rigorous pain she just went through to get that baby out...
Anyway so you all just get home and it's time to feed the baby, maybe dad takes a turn it's a cute and giggly, but oh damn it poops! Uh oh - right to mommy never mind the fact that she cannot sit or pee without it feeling like her world is on FIRE but yes let her do it. Let her give the baby a bath too - sure she'd LOVE to bend over that damn tub or sink too BRING IT ON!
And boys don't get your panties in a bunch, all of you don't do this, some of you are very nurturing and helpful and take excellent care of your wives/girlfriends and new babies. My point is that when it comes to pain you are all a bunch of bitches. Women can take it all and you can't take a paper cut without calling for thirty six band-aids and some kisses from your mommy and I just don't get why. I mean seriously.
Growing up I always saw men as this strong and buff figure of strength and as I get older I just see men being a bunch of wusses. My hubby cuts his fingers open gets one little shot and is in bed for two days...come on dude where are your balls?! His reply - "I took care of you when you got hurt" My rebuttal "I had 2 c-sections, BRAIN surgery and BACK surgery within 6 months! Find your balls!" Just saying...
Again not all men...but a lot of ya. So why, no really why?
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Snuggling in marriage....the differences
When you fall in love and you're snuggling with your other half you are all wrapped up in the moment. It's morning time, both the man and woman are snuggled close happy and in love. Her head is on his chest, the little chest hairs tickling her face. He is twiddling her hair in his fingers ever so softly. He kisses her head and she leans up to kiss his lips.
The fact that it's morning and they are waking up in each other's arms is the most important part of the moment. They are happy, in love and fulfilled just by knowing that. It doesn't matter what the rest of the day is going to bring, as long as they are going to be together, all is going to be right.
That folks is the movie version...the dating version...the pre-marriage version. Let's skip ahead to post marriage, post honeymoon, post having kids...
In morning. A man and a woman are laying in bed. The sound of Spongebob is blaring from down the hall. The woman smacks her husband and says "it's your turn". The husband turns over and affectionately rubs his wife's back and comments "how about a little morning somethin' somethin'?" She responds with a "Are you kidding me?! The kids are up, I haven't showered, back the hell up because your chest hairs are itching the shit out of my back and for the love of GOD go brush your teeth!" The man rolls over and says "is it ALWAYS that time of the month?!"
Thus a normal Saturday begins in a married couples household. Not every married couple's household but a vast majority. This is why so many married couples take a vacation every so often. It doesn't mean they don't love each other, it just means that "fairy tale, movie" type lovey dovey heart shaped harlequin romance phase said good-bye.
You have to keep it interesting people.
Friday, August 9, 2013
The B*tch Switch
Folks tonight you are in for a real treat: I am going to give you all a HUGE gift. There is a certain rule when dealing with women. Now don't get all "you're a traitor to your gender" on me. I can say these things because I am a woman, and I do in fact have what is affectionately called the "bitch switch".
For those who are unlucky enough to have flipped it on in the past you will know exactly what I'm talking about. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, buckle up and read on. For those who finally get what it is I'm talking about by the end of this, you're welcome and knock your shit off. Here goes:
Why is it that whenever you are in a good mood, full of playful delight someone can say one thing, just one thing and it can totally change your entire mood for the rest of the day and just make you IRATE? Seriously I try really hard not to let that happen but sometimes there is that one button that when it is pushed I just fall off the deep end and it's like look the hell out or I will step all over you.
My brother used to call it the "bitch switch". Ironically that used to piss me off even more. It just seems so odd to me that all day long little things can come and go and get on our nerves, irritate us, make us angry but we let them go. Think of how many mood changes we go through in a single day. Well I do at least. But there always seems to be that one nerve that once it's touched there is just no turning back.
Now a follow up question is why do people intentionally hit this nerve once they know how to do so? What sort of sick pleasure are they going to get out of this? Lets examine this:
Let's say you knowing just flipped this so called "bitch switch" which by the way is irreversible by all human measures and to boot, you know this, yet you did it anyway what is going to happen? (this does not apply to children by the way - only husbands, boyfriends, members of the opposite sex in general, friends, well I guess anyone except children)
1. I am going to yell, no, no I am going to scream at you
2. Once I am done yelling, I am going to walk away, possibly while making a one-fingered gesture
3. Once I walk away, I am going to ignore you
4. Don't try to talk to me until the horns retreat back into my skull, my tail retreats back into my ass and my pitchfork is stored safely in the closet.
See I am giving all you people out there a BIG gift right now...once that bitch switch is turned on, the devil is on the loose and if you're the one who flipped it, you better run like hell and hide until it gets turned off. There is no need to ever flip that switch - so a word to the wise....LEAVE IT ALONE!
There are certain things that will automatically flip this: tell a woman she is gaining weight, ask her why would she wear THAT, point out her acne, ask her if she is on the rag or if she is P.M.S(ing), ask her "what did you do all day?", etc. Not smart...just use common sense. When it comes to friends: dating a friends' ex boyfriend, make besties with her worst enemy...instant bitch switch flip!
I'm not going to say I'm proud of any of this, nor am I trying to be a "traitor" but lets just stop with this nonsense. People this is common sense. You just don't piss people off on purpose, unless of course you are really trying to get yourself bitch slapped. And with that I hope I leave you all with a little bit of bitch switch smarts. Just my two-cents as always.
For those who are unlucky enough to have flipped it on in the past you will know exactly what I'm talking about. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, buckle up and read on. For those who finally get what it is I'm talking about by the end of this, you're welcome and knock your shit off. Here goes:
Why is it that whenever you are in a good mood, full of playful delight someone can say one thing, just one thing and it can totally change your entire mood for the rest of the day and just make you IRATE? Seriously I try really hard not to let that happen but sometimes there is that one button that when it is pushed I just fall off the deep end and it's like look the hell out or I will step all over you.
My brother used to call it the "bitch switch". Ironically that used to piss me off even more. It just seems so odd to me that all day long little things can come and go and get on our nerves, irritate us, make us angry but we let them go. Think of how many mood changes we go through in a single day. Well I do at least. But there always seems to be that one nerve that once it's touched there is just no turning back.
Now a follow up question is why do people intentionally hit this nerve once they know how to do so? What sort of sick pleasure are they going to get out of this? Lets examine this:
Let's say you knowing just flipped this so called "bitch switch" which by the way is irreversible by all human measures and to boot, you know this, yet you did it anyway what is going to happen? (this does not apply to children by the way - only husbands, boyfriends, members of the opposite sex in general, friends, well I guess anyone except children)
1. I am going to yell, no, no I am going to scream at you
2. Once I am done yelling, I am going to walk away, possibly while making a one-fingered gesture
3. Once I walk away, I am going to ignore you
4. Don't try to talk to me until the horns retreat back into my skull, my tail retreats back into my ass and my pitchfork is stored safely in the closet.
See I am giving all you people out there a BIG gift right now...once that bitch switch is turned on, the devil is on the loose and if you're the one who flipped it, you better run like hell and hide until it gets turned off. There is no need to ever flip that switch - so a word to the wise....LEAVE IT ALONE!
There are certain things that will automatically flip this: tell a woman she is gaining weight, ask her why would she wear THAT, point out her acne, ask her if she is on the rag or if she is P.M.S(ing), ask her "what did you do all day?", etc. Not smart...just use common sense. When it comes to friends: dating a friends' ex boyfriend, make besties with her worst enemy...instant bitch switch flip!
I'm not going to say I'm proud of any of this, nor am I trying to be a "traitor" but lets just stop with this nonsense. People this is common sense. You just don't piss people off on purpose, unless of course you are really trying to get yourself bitch slapped. And with that I hope I leave you all with a little bit of bitch switch smarts. Just my two-cents as always.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Worry
It's a bad night. A long night. A night I know is going to be rough one, not just because I'm uncomfortable and in pain but because I can't shut my mind off. It happened again, worry crept up and invaded my mind and now I'm playing the what ifs. Oh how I hate this game.
You know it's one thing to worry about normal things when it comes to your children, things like if they run with sandals, will they fall? What happens when they try the monkey bars for the first time? If I take a shower while it's just me and them who will end up with the black eye and how will it happen? Normal things....
Tonight is one of those nights where the abnormal creep into my mind. The horrible thoughts that keep me up at night and make me physically ill, what if my kids end up like me (health wise?)
Those who know me know I am not a religious person, I have been pushed to the max with faith and call it what you will there are those who have been shaken, tattered, beaten and their faith not broken, I am not one of those people. Perhaps someday, but it's just not so at this point in my life. I believe in heaven and hell, God and all that is good and bad but for me I have just not found my own faith. Please leave your judgments to yourself as I have heard them all, thank you.
That being said, I do pray for my children to not have to deal with the crapshoot I have been given as far as health is concerned. I will take every last bit of unhealthy genes that are out there if it will spare them. I am more than willing to take it all if it means they don't have to feel it.
We were listening to music tonight and I was watching them dance around and a song came on that shot me back into my teenage years and I remember going to parties and hanging with my friends, not having a care in the world. Depending on who I was with we would chat up a storm, perhaps have a few drinks, laugh all night long, sit by a bonfire, go back into the woods and make some noise, we lived it up cause that's what you're supposed to do. Never in a million years did I ever imagine my body was a ticking time bomb. In a matter of a few years it was slowly going off little by little. Now that I know what I have to face and have been facing I will need to test my children for such issues because as a lot of ailments are, they are genetic.
Will they have to live with these awful things? Will they be able to enjoy their carefree days of childhood and being an adolescent? Once they become adults, reality sets in and "real life" begins. Paying bills, responsibilities, careers, it's all a part of the life cycle that no one fills us in on until it's on our door step. It's not so fun.
My kids always ask me when they see my scars, "Will I have to have my head cut open? Will I have to have my back cut open?" With the greatest of hope I always reply with the upmost sternness NO! I will do everything in my power to help to make that stand true. I just don't want this for them.
They deserve to be happy and healthy and live their lives with the carefree enjoyment that every child should. I hate that they have seen so much already and once they get older I only hope they won't realize that what I have been going through is something that could potentially lie within their bodies.
Living in fear is something no one should ever have to endure. As parents we will always live with that worry that our children may get a bump or bruise here or there but it shouldn't have to be so scary that it keeps us awake at night. I know I'm not the only one out there. I know it's not healthy to live this way either.
Every child deserves a healthy and happy childhood, well and adulthood too. But as parents we need to make sure we give them the best childhood we can so they can make the best adults they can and pave the way for a bright future. Here's to every child not having to go through any ailments and no parent having to worry...wouldn't that be a perfect world?!
You know it's one thing to worry about normal things when it comes to your children, things like if they run with sandals, will they fall? What happens when they try the monkey bars for the first time? If I take a shower while it's just me and them who will end up with the black eye and how will it happen? Normal things....
Tonight is one of those nights where the abnormal creep into my mind. The horrible thoughts that keep me up at night and make me physically ill, what if my kids end up like me (health wise?)
Those who know me know I am not a religious person, I have been pushed to the max with faith and call it what you will there are those who have been shaken, tattered, beaten and their faith not broken, I am not one of those people. Perhaps someday, but it's just not so at this point in my life. I believe in heaven and hell, God and all that is good and bad but for me I have just not found my own faith. Please leave your judgments to yourself as I have heard them all, thank you.
That being said, I do pray for my children to not have to deal with the crapshoot I have been given as far as health is concerned. I will take every last bit of unhealthy genes that are out there if it will spare them. I am more than willing to take it all if it means they don't have to feel it.
We were listening to music tonight and I was watching them dance around and a song came on that shot me back into my teenage years and I remember going to parties and hanging with my friends, not having a care in the world. Depending on who I was with we would chat up a storm, perhaps have a few drinks, laugh all night long, sit by a bonfire, go back into the woods and make some noise, we lived it up cause that's what you're supposed to do. Never in a million years did I ever imagine my body was a ticking time bomb. In a matter of a few years it was slowly going off little by little. Now that I know what I have to face and have been facing I will need to test my children for such issues because as a lot of ailments are, they are genetic.
Will they have to live with these awful things? Will they be able to enjoy their carefree days of childhood and being an adolescent? Once they become adults, reality sets in and "real life" begins. Paying bills, responsibilities, careers, it's all a part of the life cycle that no one fills us in on until it's on our door step. It's not so fun.
My kids always ask me when they see my scars, "Will I have to have my head cut open? Will I have to have my back cut open?" With the greatest of hope I always reply with the upmost sternness NO! I will do everything in my power to help to make that stand true. I just don't want this for them.
They deserve to be happy and healthy and live their lives with the carefree enjoyment that every child should. I hate that they have seen so much already and once they get older I only hope they won't realize that what I have been going through is something that could potentially lie within their bodies.
Living in fear is something no one should ever have to endure. As parents we will always live with that worry that our children may get a bump or bruise here or there but it shouldn't have to be so scary that it keeps us awake at night. I know I'm not the only one out there. I know it's not healthy to live this way either.
Every child deserves a healthy and happy childhood, well and adulthood too. But as parents we need to make sure we give them the best childhood we can so they can make the best adults they can and pave the way for a bright future. Here's to every child not having to go through any ailments and no parent having to worry...wouldn't that be a perfect world?!
Weight Control....kinda
I just have to get this out...
Obviously I use humor as a tool to get out some of that anxiety, anyone who knows me knows that. Case in point, one of my many Dr.'s told me a while back that even though she is happy with my weight these days by the Body Mass Index table with my height and body type I should weigh 98lbs. Well we revisited that the other day and here's how that went.
A little back story first: I am 5'3 and I used to weigh 175lbs at my heaviest...yes I am admitting to that so lets just get it out there and shut the hell up. I liked donuts and anything fried. I have me some boobs and after 2 kids well they're more like hackey sacks now, and my abs well they no longer exist and prior to all my surgeries I wanted to loose weight but it was just not in the cards. I like my food and if I did not eat I was a raving bitch so trust me, you'd rather I ate than didn't....
Anyway, I go and have these two suck-ass surgeries well don't you know I loose about 40lbs when all is said and done. Great good for me, yay. I gain 10 back, leave me alone I fricken deserve some cake, I had brain surgery. So I am falling somewhere in the 142-145 range. For me that's really good. I'm happy with it, but my goal is 130 so within the next 6 months I'd like to be down to that WITHOUT having to have another suck-ass surgery. Of course I can't exercise with my back being the way it is so it's frustrating at the moment and I'm not gonna lie I did down 2 kit kats today to make myself feel better. Some bad habits die hard, what can I say?!
My doc and I have the conversation about how I'd like my goal weight to be somewhere around 130ish a little fluctuation isn't terrible but I'd like to fall somewhere in there.
Ok peeps here's what I don't understand according to the BMI being somewhere at the weight I'm at NOW I am still overweight. I was considered OBESE at my previous weight, which yes it was a lot of weight for my build but lets get one thing straight. My left boob weighs 98lbs ok, I am never going to weigh that so the BMI can kiss my ASS. It ain't gonna happen folks.
Who the hell came up with this shit anyway? Look it, I am just happy that I can wear a tank top again and look down and see my feet and not my gut. So I'm going to go ahead and measure my weight control by that.
I am eating better, feeling great after I know that I am not downing 1500 calories of Mt. Dew a day (yes my friends) it's no longer a case a week for this chick. I am just so irritated with this shit. This is why people who diet are miserable you know.....just thought I'd let you all in on that.
Ok that's all I wanted to point out...end rant
Obviously I use humor as a tool to get out some of that anxiety, anyone who knows me knows that. Case in point, one of my many Dr.'s told me a while back that even though she is happy with my weight these days by the Body Mass Index table with my height and body type I should weigh 98lbs. Well we revisited that the other day and here's how that went.
A little back story first: I am 5'3 and I used to weigh 175lbs at my heaviest...yes I am admitting to that so lets just get it out there and shut the hell up. I liked donuts and anything fried. I have me some boobs and after 2 kids well they're more like hackey sacks now, and my abs well they no longer exist and prior to all my surgeries I wanted to loose weight but it was just not in the cards. I like my food and if I did not eat I was a raving bitch so trust me, you'd rather I ate than didn't....
Anyway, I go and have these two suck-ass surgeries well don't you know I loose about 40lbs when all is said and done. Great good for me, yay. I gain 10 back, leave me alone I fricken deserve some cake, I had brain surgery. So I am falling somewhere in the 142-145 range. For me that's really good. I'm happy with it, but my goal is 130 so within the next 6 months I'd like to be down to that WITHOUT having to have another suck-ass surgery. Of course I can't exercise with my back being the way it is so it's frustrating at the moment and I'm not gonna lie I did down 2 kit kats today to make myself feel better. Some bad habits die hard, what can I say?!
My doc and I have the conversation about how I'd like my goal weight to be somewhere around 130ish a little fluctuation isn't terrible but I'd like to fall somewhere in there.
Ok peeps here's what I don't understand according to the BMI being somewhere at the weight I'm at NOW I am still overweight. I was considered OBESE at my previous weight, which yes it was a lot of weight for my build but lets get one thing straight. My left boob weighs 98lbs ok, I am never going to weigh that so the BMI can kiss my ASS. It ain't gonna happen folks.
Who the hell came up with this shit anyway? Look it, I am just happy that I can wear a tank top again and look down and see my feet and not my gut. So I'm going to go ahead and measure my weight control by that.
I am eating better, feeling great after I know that I am not downing 1500 calories of Mt. Dew a day (yes my friends) it's no longer a case a week for this chick. I am just so irritated with this shit. This is why people who diet are miserable you know.....just thought I'd let you all in on that.
Ok that's all I wanted to point out...end rant
Friday, August 2, 2013
Gone But Never Forgotten
Tonight I write about someone very special and about an event that happened over a decade ago. Yesterday marked the 11th anniversary of a very dear friend gone but never forgotten. Not many know of the tragedy that surrounded her death, only the select few that banded together during that awful time and somehow came out stronger on the other side are able to recall the events of that horrible time. I remember them as if they were yesterday. Today she popped into my head during a random phone call with a good friend and now I can't get her out of my mind so tonight instead of my silly antics I am going to pay tribute to a beautiful person who was taken far too soon, Aiesha L. Jackson.
I have written this blog twice already. I've not spent hours on it. I've gone into details surrounding her heinous murder and the unbelievable acts of violence that were committed against her and her family. I have talked about how I slipped into a deep depression - my first of many and how her death has shaped me into a completely different person.
After re-reading everything I wrote I thought about how those details aren't necessary for anyone to know. If you already know them, you don't want to relive them. If you don't, you'll sleep better not knowing. Instead I would like to tell you about how wonderful Aiesha was and how she helped me become a better person.
Aiesha was born on October 26, 1978 and died on July 30, 2002. She was 23 years young. She was beautiful, funny, smart, and had the most insane laugh you would have ever heard. She lit up a room when she walked in. She was also my first African American friend. She taught me a lot about race and how people can still be so unbelievably rude even this day in age to people of different races. It is absolutely appalling.
Aiesha used to talk about how she couldn't wait to have kids, she couldn't wait to get fat so she could just eat and eat whatever she wanted. She used to say "once I get fat, I ain't gonna try to get skinny again." It used to crack me up. She always thought I was so disgusting because I shave my armpits, she never did. She thought that was just the most horrid thing there was. She would wear wigs every other day just to change up her look. She taught me so much. I never knew anyone like her. She was daring, bold, outspoken, and just wonderful all around. Before I met her, I was shy, quiet, timid and I didn't say boo to anyone who didn't say it to me. She is the one who brought it out of me.
One night we went to Pizza Hut, our favorite spot. We had the same outfit [a red tank from Aeropostale and the same jeans (she filled them out much better than I did)] and when we got there we sat down and ordered like 20 breadsticks cause that's all she really liked. We were talking and laughing and there was an older woman sitting across from us and she just kept staring at us and mumbling and I will never forget when Aiesha asked her if she had a problem with us and her response was "what was a white girl doing eating with a black girl?" I was completely dumbfounded. It was 2002 for Pete's sake what the hell was this woman's problem?! I could tell Aiesha was about to go off but instead I did and I put that woman right in her place for probably the first time in my life and I didn't hold anything back. Aiesha's eyes got as big as the sun and she put her hand up, high fived me and told me I was the "bomb". We walked out of there with our heads held high and that lady had her mouth on the floor and even the manager of the place said "good for you" to us on our way out. Come to think of it I'm not even sure we paid for the breadsticks....
It was at that moment that I realized how much crap she must have had to deal with all the time. We didn't go back to that Pizza Hut, but it had nothing to do with that woman, we just never got the chance.
I went on vacation for a week, when I got back we had 2 days together, just 2 days. We worked one night together and then it happened. We were supposed to go to the Puerto Rican fest together but I ended up having to work late so I couldn't go. That night she was murdered at her home and she passed away the following day at the hospital.
That day is still so vivid. It seemed to last forever. There were police everywhere, tons of questioning, everyone seemed to move in slow motion. Police searched her locker, bagged a bunch of her things, it was weird to see the police tape on her locker. She was so amazing, and I just talked to her the night before, it wasn't even 12 hours before hand. It must've been a dream, a nightmare really. Things like that just don't happen in reality.
When she was taken so abruptly, so viciously, I didn't know what to do. I was so angry, so hurt. I had never dealt with anything like that before. What was I going to do without her? Who would want to hurt her? Why would anyone let this happen? So many unanswered questions....
I started to write a journal that ended up being more like letters to her. I started out writing to her multiple times a day, I didn't know how to say good-bye, how to let her go. I lashed out at everyone. Family, friends, co-workers. I went up one-side of anyone who was ever mean to her and down the other. I was so angry. The meaner the people were to her, the meaner I was to them.
I started to lose it...I saw her everywhere. I would stop random people and stare at them....it was never her. A bunch of us would go to her house and put flowers and teddy bears by the telephone pole to show her family we were thinking of them.
One day I just snapped. The t.v. kept flashing back to Aiesha's murder and they kept showing the EMT's wheeling her out on a stretcher, it was the last image of her alive that I have. So I wrote a letter to the newspaper and blasted the shit out of the police, and the entire justice system telling them how they failed her. I explained how it was all their fault and "what good were they if this happened?!" There were oodles and oodles of homicides that year. Well wasn't I just a fancy pants? They published the letter....and I was interviewed on the news....NOT A GOOD IDEA. All I wanted was justice for her. Instead I blasted the wrong people. The U.S. Marshals did catch the man who did it by the way and he is serving a life sentence without parole.
I'm sure my blasphemy was not what Aiesha would have wanted by any means. I just didn't know how to handle it. Looking back I made a complete fool of myself, and I'm sure she was probably telling me to shut the hell up from above. I think of her from time to time and I miss her.
I'm grateful that I had the privilege to know her. She taught me more about being a good friend, being a good person, and being true to yourself than she'll ever know. I only wish I could have had the chance to tell her that.
Aiesha was waked to a song by Ashanti called "Thank You" and they lyrics ring true forever: ....."I just want to say thank you, I love you, and I miss you...." If you want to hear the song here is the link for YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_EfF3x9Lek I also found that "I'll Be Missing You" remix by Puff Daddy was on my radion a lot. Somehow it made me feel like I was closer to her. To this day I think of her when I hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc2K10CrThw
I know she's up there shaking things up in her own way, just like she used to down here. It was such a hard time for all who knew her, and loved her. It's been 11 years, already over a decade and yet it still seems like yesterday. She may be gone but she'll never be forgotten.
I have written this blog twice already. I've not spent hours on it. I've gone into details surrounding her heinous murder and the unbelievable acts of violence that were committed against her and her family. I have talked about how I slipped into a deep depression - my first of many and how her death has shaped me into a completely different person.
After re-reading everything I wrote I thought about how those details aren't necessary for anyone to know. If you already know them, you don't want to relive them. If you don't, you'll sleep better not knowing. Instead I would like to tell you about how wonderful Aiesha was and how she helped me become a better person.
Aiesha was born on October 26, 1978 and died on July 30, 2002. She was 23 years young. She was beautiful, funny, smart, and had the most insane laugh you would have ever heard. She lit up a room when she walked in. She was also my first African American friend. She taught me a lot about race and how people can still be so unbelievably rude even this day in age to people of different races. It is absolutely appalling.
Aiesha used to talk about how she couldn't wait to have kids, she couldn't wait to get fat so she could just eat and eat whatever she wanted. She used to say "once I get fat, I ain't gonna try to get skinny again." It used to crack me up. She always thought I was so disgusting because I shave my armpits, she never did. She thought that was just the most horrid thing there was. She would wear wigs every other day just to change up her look. She taught me so much. I never knew anyone like her. She was daring, bold, outspoken, and just wonderful all around. Before I met her, I was shy, quiet, timid and I didn't say boo to anyone who didn't say it to me. She is the one who brought it out of me.
One night we went to Pizza Hut, our favorite spot. We had the same outfit [a red tank from Aeropostale and the same jeans (she filled them out much better than I did)] and when we got there we sat down and ordered like 20 breadsticks cause that's all she really liked. We were talking and laughing and there was an older woman sitting across from us and she just kept staring at us and mumbling and I will never forget when Aiesha asked her if she had a problem with us and her response was "what was a white girl doing eating with a black girl?" I was completely dumbfounded. It was 2002 for Pete's sake what the hell was this woman's problem?! I could tell Aiesha was about to go off but instead I did and I put that woman right in her place for probably the first time in my life and I didn't hold anything back. Aiesha's eyes got as big as the sun and she put her hand up, high fived me and told me I was the "bomb". We walked out of there with our heads held high and that lady had her mouth on the floor and even the manager of the place said "good for you" to us on our way out. Come to think of it I'm not even sure we paid for the breadsticks....
It was at that moment that I realized how much crap she must have had to deal with all the time. We didn't go back to that Pizza Hut, but it had nothing to do with that woman, we just never got the chance.
I went on vacation for a week, when I got back we had 2 days together, just 2 days. We worked one night together and then it happened. We were supposed to go to the Puerto Rican fest together but I ended up having to work late so I couldn't go. That night she was murdered at her home and she passed away the following day at the hospital.
That day is still so vivid. It seemed to last forever. There were police everywhere, tons of questioning, everyone seemed to move in slow motion. Police searched her locker, bagged a bunch of her things, it was weird to see the police tape on her locker. She was so amazing, and I just talked to her the night before, it wasn't even 12 hours before hand. It must've been a dream, a nightmare really. Things like that just don't happen in reality.
When she was taken so abruptly, so viciously, I didn't know what to do. I was so angry, so hurt. I had never dealt with anything like that before. What was I going to do without her? Who would want to hurt her? Why would anyone let this happen? So many unanswered questions....
I started to write a journal that ended up being more like letters to her. I started out writing to her multiple times a day, I didn't know how to say good-bye, how to let her go. I lashed out at everyone. Family, friends, co-workers. I went up one-side of anyone who was ever mean to her and down the other. I was so angry. The meaner the people were to her, the meaner I was to them.
I started to lose it...I saw her everywhere. I would stop random people and stare at them....it was never her. A bunch of us would go to her house and put flowers and teddy bears by the telephone pole to show her family we were thinking of them.
One day I just snapped. The t.v. kept flashing back to Aiesha's murder and they kept showing the EMT's wheeling her out on a stretcher, it was the last image of her alive that I have. So I wrote a letter to the newspaper and blasted the shit out of the police, and the entire justice system telling them how they failed her. I explained how it was all their fault and "what good were they if this happened?!" There were oodles and oodles of homicides that year. Well wasn't I just a fancy pants? They published the letter....and I was interviewed on the news....NOT A GOOD IDEA. All I wanted was justice for her. Instead I blasted the wrong people. The U.S. Marshals did catch the man who did it by the way and he is serving a life sentence without parole.
I'm sure my blasphemy was not what Aiesha would have wanted by any means. I just didn't know how to handle it. Looking back I made a complete fool of myself, and I'm sure she was probably telling me to shut the hell up from above. I think of her from time to time and I miss her.
I'm grateful that I had the privilege to know her. She taught me more about being a good friend, being a good person, and being true to yourself than she'll ever know. I only wish I could have had the chance to tell her that.
Aiesha was waked to a song by Ashanti called "Thank You" and they lyrics ring true forever: ....."I just want to say thank you, I love you, and I miss you...." If you want to hear the song here is the link for YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_EfF3x9Lek I also found that "I'll Be Missing You" remix by Puff Daddy was on my radion a lot. Somehow it made me feel like I was closer to her. To this day I think of her when I hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc2K10CrThw
I know she's up there shaking things up in her own way, just like she used to down here. It was such a hard time for all who knew her, and loved her. It's been 11 years, already over a decade and yet it still seems like yesterday. She may be gone but she'll never be forgotten.
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