The B*tch Switch

Folks tonight you are in for a real treat: I am going to give you all a HUGE gift.  There is a certain rule when dealing with women.  Now don't get all "you're a traitor to your gender" on me.  I can say these things because I am a woman, and I do in fact have what is affectionately called the "bitch switch".

For those who are unlucky enough to have flipped it on in the past you will know exactly what I'm talking about.  For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, buckle up and read on.  For those who finally get what it is I'm talking about by the end of this, you're welcome and knock your shit off.  Here goes:

Why is it that whenever you are in a good mood, full of playful delight someone can say one thing, just one thing and it can totally change your entire mood for the rest of the day and just make you IRATE?  Seriously I try really hard not to let that happen but sometimes there is that one button that when it is pushed I just fall off the deep end and it's like look the hell out or I will step all over you.

My brother used to call it the "bitch switch".  Ironically that used to piss me off even more.  It just seems so odd to me that all day long little things can come and go and get on our nerves, irritate us, make us angry but we let them go.  Think of how many mood changes we go through in a single day.  Well I do at least.  But there always seems to be that one nerve that once it's touched there is just no turning back.

Now a follow up question is why do people intentionally hit this nerve once they know how to do so?  What sort of sick pleasure are they going to get out of this?  Lets examine this:

Let's say you knowing just flipped this so called "bitch switch" which by the way is irreversible by all human measures and to boot, you know this, yet you did it anyway what is going to happen? (this does not apply to children by the way - only husbands, boyfriends, members of the opposite sex in general, friends, well I guess anyone except children)

1. I am going to yell, no, no I am going to scream at you
2. Once I am done yelling, I am going to walk away, possibly while making a one-fingered gesture
3. Once I walk away, I am going to ignore you
4. Don't try to talk to me until the horns retreat back into my skull, my tail retreats back into my ass and my pitchfork is stored safely in the closet.

See I am giving all you people out there a BIG gift right now...once that bitch switch is turned on, the devil is on the loose and if you're the one who flipped it, you better run like hell and hide until it gets turned off.  There is no need to ever flip that switch - so a word to the wise....LEAVE IT ALONE!

There are certain things that will automatically flip this: tell a woman she is gaining weight, ask her why would she wear THAT, point out her acne, ask her if she is on the rag or if she is P.M.S(ing), ask her "what did you do all day?", etc.  Not smart...just use common sense.  When it comes to friends: dating a friends' ex boyfriend, make besties with her worst enemy...instant bitch switch flip!

I'm not going to say I'm proud of any of this, nor am I trying to be a "traitor" but lets just stop with this nonsense.  People this is common sense.  You just don't piss people off on purpose, unless of course you are really trying to get yourself bitch slapped.  And with that I hope I leave you all with a little bit of bitch switch smarts.  Just my two-cents as always.